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When reports emerged that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, parents grappling with a loved one’s addiction are concerned the discussion will center on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the far more common dangers of the condition.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They only knew the Reiners by their work, yet they identify deeply: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehab and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just heartbreaking,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones succumbed to the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a family member’s addiction, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or tens of millions of people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

Fear of Stigma

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg noted.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also advised against making assumptions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or psychological distress were involved recently.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a murder of two people is exceptionally rare.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not of their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “excruciating” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—questioning whether the addiction was caused by some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can overcome this disease, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they loved him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll reach out and accept help.”